By Jezebel Delilah X
This is why you are beautiful:
There is nothing feminine about you
Nothing masculine either
Just broken rocks left over from an abandoned construction site
A caterpillar with butterfly wings
Bright colors hidden in the folds of your flesh
Decay clinging to your newly born skin
I was in love before you
With a woman who was everything
But easy
She did the buying
The serving
The cooking
The cursing
The kicking
The fucking
Wrapped delicate fingers firm around my neck
And fed me
Heartbreak and hypertension
Salt and convenience
Water swollen ankles
Puffy swollen eyes
I was steroid injected ground meat
I was artery cheese
I was tepid, two-dollar wine
I was Burger King
Hands out
Belly Bloated
Ashy, blood-clotted
Begging
She kissed my frozen lips
And said
Who needs to live when death is so beautiful?
I smother your history all over my body
I touch you, and I know I never want to die again
I learned how to cook from my momma
Made greens swaddled in bacon fat
Chunky with hamhocks
seasoned with garlic and onion
learned how to validate lies with love
to smile and get what I want
From my imagination
I painted my lips Paprika
Let my heart bleed shades of green over photographs of past lovers
I sprouted life from the soft puddy of my belly
From Google
My wings carried me high
Over chipped cities
And drowning suns
I saw my anguish reflected in cumulus clouds
Sagging with a wet too heavy for drizzle
Painting barren towns with flood and clutter
From fourteen years of girlfriends
I have sinks filled of shaved hair
Layers of dreadlocks seasoned with remorse
Tears spilling down drains that no longer exist
Honeyed chamomile soothing the death stench of discarded futures
From every romance novel I’ve ever read
Peeling tangerines are tantamount to stripping before sex
There is the slow tease of anticipation
The hunger tingling promises all over your body
The intentional parting of lips
The jeweled orange flesh sliding out of thin, sheer membrane
The bursting squirt of citric release
The recipient tongue saturated with flavor
From singing loudly, in a crowd full of people
I’ve allowed my body to jelly
To be sweetened vegetable and jar-clogged
To be spread over toast and to compliment eggs
To me a muddy, tantalizing surprise
To hold complexities, like who I want to be, why, and how
To examine the shifted tectonics, the plains, the fertilized land
To grow life, to sustain life, to live…
This is why you are beautiful:
You are tough
Like kale
Protein heavy
Every thing heavy
Fiber, fibrous, fire
Chewing you feels healthy
So I chew you raw, slow
And hope I never have to swallow
That I never have to digest
That maybe I can just keep you here:
Under my tongue
Between my teeth
Clinging to the bottom right of my chin.
That I can grow you strong
And tend you delicate
That you will grow gentle
Alongside me
In my garden, fertile
Inside me
I will never be Burger King again
**Jezebel Delilah X is a fierce fat femme Faerie Princess Mermaid
Dragon, Hot English Instructor, and contemporary urban hippie activist
who uses literature, performance, storytelling, and flirting to
advance her politics of radical love, socioeconomic justice,
anti-racism, and community empowerment. She is co-host of East Bay Open
Mic, Culture Fuck, a member of the performance troupe, Griot Noir, and
a part of Deviant Type Press.
